Resolutions are tricky. They seem mostly to be another layer of promises we make to ourselves that we can't manage to keep. I resolve nothing this year. The last chunk of 2014 was a whirlwind for us and I was feeling out-of-sorts going into it, and I'm feeling a little windblown coming out of it, certainly not the climate for making resolutions. Instead, I have selected three goals for 2015, based on the wisdom of a friend and our goals for last summer.
1. Something for me: Read more. I have spent the past five years reading one book. Yes, I read other things in between and yes, this was a dense, epic, detail-laden, challenging book, but seriously. I set aside some time in December to be sure I would finish it before 2015, and I'd like to keep setting aside that time, and fill it with more books. I used to read voraciously, everything I could get my hands on. For obvious reasons, my reading has become more Goodnight, Moon and less Gone Girl, but enough. I miss reading. I miss it more than I miss sleep, or eating a container of yogurt without sharing. Enough. More books. Ready for recommendations, or if anyone wants to talk about Infinite Jest, a book that I have been consumed with for the past five years. After finishing it on 12.31.14, I can't stop turning large parts of it over in my sleep-deprived brain.
2. Something for O & P: Spend more time outside. Children are essentially wild animals, if you let them be. We live in a city, so we have to manufacture opportunities for them to be outside, to see nature, to see how they are a part of it. As long as we seek out fresh air and wide open spaces, be it the beach, a camping trip, or a wooded hiking trail, O and P are our best guides to relearning how to enjoy the outdoors. Deep breaths. Find a way to be in the moment. Release desire (more on this later).
3. Something for our family: We started a family dinner project in the last half of the year that was a tremendous success, but with the holidays and Jim's hectic end of year work schedule, we fell off the bandwagon a bit. Making time to sit down together will only be more important as 2015 amps up, so recommitting ourselves to making time for family dinners, even if the fare is a simple omlette, is more important than ever.
I learned a lot in 2014, about myself, about parenting, about being a friend and being a partner. I managed to sneak a few things in under the wire that made me feel accomplished: cleaning out my horror show of a garage, finishing that damn book, two shows, a new theatre company, a directing project booked for 2015, being part of the team producing an exciting new show, and managing to keep writing, even when it feels hard, and even when it feels ugly. So that's a thing I did.
I have nothing but love for 2014. With all of its bumps and bruises, I know I will someday look back on it as one of the special times in my life, a time when I had the opportunity to be creatively fulfilled, a time when my babies were still mostly babies, a time when things felt full of possibility.
I am loved. I am grateful. I am enough.