Kids Are Gross

O: It's okay, momma.  I don't need a tissue. I can use my shirt!

Today, I found

a half eaten apple in my bed,

at least a tablespoon of sesame seeds ground into my kitchen rug,

paint splatters on the wall in the living room,

three and a half pairs of sand-filled shoes on the dining room floor,

a mysterious, grey and brown smear on the wall behind the toy basket,

and a sippy cup of what used to be milk under the couch. 

Geez, kid, get it together

Geez, kid, get it together

I have wiped butts, noses, and hands, and the hands were the grossest of the three.  I have been sneezed at, peed on, and licked.  I have made them beautiful meals, only to turn my back for a minute to discover that they have poured the milk over their fish, or dropped hunks of mashed potato into their cup of water, creating some inedible, unholy stew that I will later have to scrape off of their tiny, brightly colored dishes.  

Don't let that sweet face fool you. GROSS.

Don't let that sweet face fool you. GROSS.

There is a smell in the car that I am afraid to investigate. 

Once, P actually blew her nose directly into my mouth.  Please don't ask about the logistics. Just know, it happened.  

God, they are gross. The grossest.  

So gross

So gross

A Mommy Blerg: A Promise

O: I promise I won't forget to love you forever, ever never again. 

(The above quote is a complete fabrication.  Nothing resembling that sentence has ever issued from O's mouth)

I have ambivalent feelings about blogging, especially being a "mommy blogger." Yet, as this project continues I am buoyed by everyone's kind words and positive feedback.  When I first started considering sharing my writing and my life in this way, I began keeping a list of things I would not do, things this blog would not become.  So here are my promises, to myself and to you.

1. I promise I will write in complete and grammatically correct sentences.  When I don't, it will be a specific choice because of style or tone, or a proof reading error, so blame Jim.

2. I promise I will never call anybody DH, DD1, or DD2.  I will never be TTC or EBF. If something makes me laugh, I will describe, with language, how I fell to the floor and rolled with glee.  

DD2 is so cute it makes me want to ROTFL, or something like that

DD2 is so cute it makes me want to ROTFL, or something like that

3. I won't rant, not because ranting isn't fun, but because this isn't the forum for it.  That is what late nights on the couch with Jim and a bottle of wine are for.  

4. I won't pad out a list.  If I only have four things to share, I won't restate one to get to five. 

5. My lists will only contain information that I want to share one time. (I just couldn't resist. I'm not proud)

6. I won't overshare.  This is tricky, because by some people's standards I already have. Just know that anything I do choose to share will be shared mindfully and with forethought. 

7. I won't try to sell you anything.  If I share about a service or a product, it will only be because we use that product and it genuinely makes our lives easier/better/more fun.

seriously, though, this is the best lunch box ever

seriously, though, this is the best lunch box ever

8. I will use my own images.  I won't load a post with a bunch of open-source, uninteresting pictures.  I have a fancy new camera.  I am trying to learn how to use it.  

oooh, a fancy picture of a basketball that I took all by myself

oooh, a fancy picture of a basketball that I took all by myself

9. I won't invent O quotes. If a blog post starts with a quote from the kids, I promise, they said it.

 "Though she be but little, she is fierce."

-Billy Shakespeare, regarding P

10. I won't turn my post titles into click-bait. I Got My Kids To Sleep Twelve Hours in Their Own Beds: click here to find out how.  

Is there anything you hate about blogs, or anything that you would like to see more of?